Calorie Accounting by Levy Mandy

Author:Levy, Mandy
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Skyhorse Publishing
Published: 2014-12-31T16:00:00+00:00

In Calorie Accounting, we’re living our lives within the confines of a very specific—and oftentimes very tight—budget. We have successfully become enlightened consumers of the marketplace and know full well how to shop and cook for ourselves in a calorically conservative way, but what about when we have to leave the comforts of our own kitchens? Is it possible to stay on a diet and live life in the real world? I will be the first to admit that I’m really lousy at this, so for me, complete concentration on accounting for my calories means cocooning—cooping myself up and staying away from functioning society for whatever period of time the metamorphosis demands. (I realize that this is completely crazy and most people have way too much on their plates to commit to the doldrums of the monkish existence I find necessary for my own focus. I wouldn’t recommend it. It’s sociopathic. But I know myself, and how I tick, and I gotta do what I gotta do.) Anyway. Here’s where I’m certainly no expert. But I know what I should be practicing if I wasn’t a mental patient, so I’ll preach it to you, and then at least one of us can get a life.

Restaurants. Going out to eat is more or less the number one reason to live. It’s social, it’s celebratory, it’s satisfying. Dieting is so difficult because society places such a huge emphasis on food for human interactivity. When you’re getting together with your girlfriends, you’re going to go out to eat. You just are. What else is there to do? A movie? Well, you get dinner before or after, and if you don’t, you sneak dinner into the theater in your purse. Shopping? Sbarro is going to flag you down for a break sooner or later. So what, are you gonna like, just go for a walk with someone through the forest preserves and talk about birds and pinecones? Get real. Who does that anymore? Whoever invited you to do that is a murderer.** If you’re getting together with friends, you’re going to put something in your mouth. So how can you stay accountable?

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